How to Increase Confidence

Watch the video below to find out the most powerful and sustainable way to improve self-confidence and increase self-esteem.

Video Transcript

When I was a little girl, I learned that I wasn't pretty enough or good enough to be that great girl or that popular girl. And somehow I connected my worth with my physical looks, how pretty I was, or even how much money my family had.

I associated myself with someone who was not pretty, who is not popular, and who was not wealthy or glamorous or anything like that. And so through that, somehow, I decided to believe that I was not worthy.

And the thing is that, if you had asked me when I was 8, or 10, or 12, or 22, or 35, if I was pretty or I was good enough, I would have said, "Oh, yes, of course, yes, I believe I'm good enough".

But I think the belief that we're not good enough, or we're not worthy of being loved unconditionally, or that we're not lovable, or that we're not attractive, or that we don't have the ability to be successful, all of those inner beliefs are very insidious.

They're kind of under the radar, at least it was for me.

And so if you had asked me if I felt like I was worthy or lovable I would have said yes.

But in reality, I was always trying to compensate for that deeply-held belief that I was not good enough.

And so maybe I would talk a lot, make fun of other people or complain about things, or secretly resent or begrudge somebody, or be envious. Or when I was a kid, I tried to get a lot of attention with bad behavior. All of that behavior that's not present, centered, compassionate, open, flowing, and loving, is a sign of myself trying to get that attention to get that validation from the external world.

I have uncovered these inner beliefs through my own inner work, through meditation, and through looking at my life, and seeing the results that I have. And from seeing the things that I complain about.

How to Uncover Limiting Beliefs

If you have unconscious beliefs that are not serving you, that are limiting you, that are actually causing you to sabotage your life, you can look at your life to discover what those are.

The quickest, easiest way to discover what your unconscious beliefs are, is to just look at your life.

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Generally speaking, the patterns that we have in our lives are a manifestation of our beliefs.

So if you believe that you're not good enough to be in a relationship where someone respects you, then you're going to manifest that in your life and you're going to be with people who don't respect you.

If you believe that, in order to be loved, you have to get lots of attention, then maybe you're going to talk a lot, you're going to talk over other people, you're going to interrupt people, or when other people are talking, you just can't wait to jump in.

This is describing myself for a lot of my life.

So it all starts with that awareness, that self-awareness of what's going on in my life. What does my life look like? And what are my patterns of behavior? That's how you can start to uncover your limiting beliefs.

Do you deserve to have it all?

As we get deeper, deeper, deeper down within ourselves, it will be revealed that most of us feel that we are not worthy of unconditional love and that we are not good enough to receive everything that we desire.

Life can be thought of in terms of health, relationships, and career or money.

A lot of times people will be successful in one or two areas but not be successful in that third one

Not to say that we have to be perfect but are you moving forward and feeling positive about all areas of your life? Can you have it all? Do you deserve to have it all? Do you believe that you deserve to have it all?

When you say to yourself, I deserve to have it all, what feelings come up for you? If you feel a glitch or a little kink that's based on your beliefs.

And so if you don't believe that you deserve to have it all, then you're not going to have it all. Definitely.

If you believe that you deserve to have it all, then at least you're moving in the right direction.

Life does throw us curveballs. Who knows why. It's probably for us to learn a lesson that we need to learn. But our underlying beliefs are a major determining factor in life.

So what I have been doing my entire life is pretending that I believe that I'm worthy and lovable. And in some instances, in my life, I have believed that. But a lot of times, I've had a charade, that I believe that.

And then I would compensate by behaving in a particular way; being gregarious, outgoing, talkative, friendly, kind, and helping others. Sound familiar?

Where do you get your validation?

And so as I go about the world trying to get that attention, I'm constantly seeking external validation and external attention.

Therefore, the love, the attention, the affection, the respect, the feeling of worthiness, is all sourced from outside of myself.

And that is a fool's errand because no one is going to be able to give me the love, the attention, the affection, and the feeling of worthiness that I require, as fully and completely as I can give it to me.

So there's unlimited capacity for me to love myself. But the capacity for other people to love me unconditionally is quite limited.

When you go out into the world and you have clients, you have a boss, you have co-workers, you have social groups, and you have volunteer groups, it's impossible for us to expect all of those external people, to give us what we need. It's impossible for them to give us the safety, security, love, and attention we desire.

So the only way for us to actually feel like we are worthy, truly worthy, and truly deserving, to have a wonderful life, and to be treated with respect is to source that from within ourselves.

We need to source our own love for ourselves, to source that feeling that we deserve it all.

We need to source the feeling that we are worthy, that we are good enough.

The idea, the belief that you are good enough, can only come from within you. It cannot come from someone else.

The idea that you're smart enough, that you're creative enough, that you are attractive enough, that you are worthy of respect and attention, that you are safe, that you are secure, that you have freedom, all of those really deeply held desires that we have can only be sourced from within ourselves.

We cannot get them consistently from outside sources.

So do you see how powerful this is?

Because as long as I continue to seek outside validation from you watching this video or reading this, or someone giving me attention when I want it, I will be disappointed.

And that's really important for me to understand and I think for you to understand.

You are the source of all of your confidence

Whatever your goals are in life, whether you are trying to be healthier, or you're trying to be more successful in your career, or you want a wonderful relationship, the feeling, the truly deep, deep feeling, and ultimately that belief that you are worthy of that that all has to come from within you.

The idea that you are lovable no matter what all has to come from within you. That's unconditional love.

That's unconditional respect, right? That's unconditional worthiness, that all has to come from within you.

And that is a source of incredible power.

So you can create new beliefs. Start by being aware of the old, negative limiting beliefs such as I am not enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, creative enough, I'm not clever enough, whatever it is.

I have a bunch of them.

Those beliefs have been with me since I was a child, whether I wanted to admit it or not. They've been there.

So first be aware of them and then start to create new beliefs.

And that requires going back and reinterpreting experiences that I had as a child. And creating new beliefs around "I am worthy, unconditionally, no matter what, no matter what, even if I do something really bad or stupid, even if I embarrass myself, even if I make a ton of mistakes, even if the outside world doesn't necessarily tell me that I'm attractive, I'm still worthy of that."

"I'm still worthy of the love and feeling good in my body, and feeling proud and feeling confident."

As long as I continue to work on that belief and solidify that belief, I am incredibly powerful, incredibly powerful.

Because I'm not relying on outside sources, I'm relying on myself. And it's up to me.

Are you better than other people?

When I was young I learned that there was a hierarchy and that some people were better than others.

So if you were a pretty blonde girl who had a lot of money, you were actually better than me.

If you were very creative, or very smart, then you were better than me.

And if I felt like I was a little bit prettier than another person then I felt better than them.

So there was a hierarchy, right? And that has been inherent in my belief system. But that is changing.

We're all worthy of love. You are worthy of unconditional love.

And so as long as I feel my own sense of worthiness and unconditional love, it's really easy for me to look around and say no, there's no hierarchy, we're all the same.

We're all connected. We all have that internal essence, that internal birthright of being lovable, we all have it.

So what happens is, when you lift yourself up from within, you become compassionate.

And you're not relying on other people to tell you that you're great.

You know you're great. But you also know that everybody is great.

What kind of world do you want to live in?

This is an amazing world to live in. When you believe that you are worthy, and you feel safe, secure, free loved, and like you're enough, and you also look around the world and you have compassion, patience, and love for other people life is a lot better.

Regardless of the physical manifestation such as more money or a better spouse, a better position, or a bigger business, regardless of all of that, when you can come to the world with a belief that you're worthy and everybody is worthy, life is just better.

And things get better, your life will get better.

How this will make you healthier and happier

First of all, you'll be healthier.

Because when you're in that state of worry, stress, blame, shame, guilt, feeling bad about yourself, not feeling good enough, and impostor syndrome, that's all stressful on your physical body and your nervous system.

But when you are in your power, in your confidence, in your own self-love, then your body can be more relaxed.

If nothing else, your health will improve.

This is what permeates the work that I do to help people to be healthier and to live a better life.

And so if you want to come hang out with me, please do so.

You can always book a call with me, and we can talk about this in-depth, and how we can actually help you in your life.

And if you want to uncover those unconscious beliefs, understand them, and respect them we can talk.b

Because you can't move forward if you are not going to respect those beliefs, right? They're pretty entrenched.

So it's not going to change overnight. It is a practice of dissolving those old beliefs bit by bit and creating new ones. That takes time.

And that's how I help people lose weight. Totally different from what everybody else does.

Also how I help people be their best and to perform at their past.

When you have that self-confidence and that power, but you're not better than anybody else and you come at it with compassion and love, your success is inevitable.

If are looking to bring your best in life and to have extraordinary success (success in ALL areas of life) I suggest starting with an assessment.

Click the link below to take the assessment.

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